Whose Line.... sucks.

I was clicking through the channels the other day, wondering if I could find something at all decent to watch.  After all, the news is pretty damned depressing, and there's very little on TSN concerning hockey - and as we all know, baseball sucks. 

I never understood how baseball made it as a sport.  You get a bunch of slightly overweight people who take far too many steroids, and they play a game  that mostly involves everyone standing around waiting for their chance to catch a ball.  Even the crowd get in on this game - they sit around and eat eight dollar hot dogs and hope that a ball gets knocked their way. 

Personally, I think the only time baseball is interesting is when someone gets beemed in the face. 

But I figure, I've got better things to do with my time besides watching baseball and hoping for one of those golden moments.  So I keep clicking.  And I came across a little gem called Whose Line is it Anyway?  Or at least, I thought it was a gem when I clicked to it.

For those not in the know, the basic gist of the story goes like this:  the show consists of improv actors, who play various improv games suggested by a moderator based on themes given by audience members.  So, the game might be "you can only speak in questions" and the theme could be "Superheroes at a Coffee Shop".  Or something equally stupid.

"Stupid" being the big word, here.  I was watching for only a few seconds before I started wincing in pain.  Imagine Wayne Brady (and not the funny Wayne Brady, either) singing doo-wop about, um, poisoned wine.  It wasn't pretty.  No siree, it definitely was not.   

I sat there, watching this horrid bit of improv theatre, and I shook my head.  You see, I used to like this show.  No, cancel that... I used to love this show. 

I remember, in the ninth or tenth grade, heading home pretty quickly after school ended so I could catch an episode of Whose Line.  It was a ritual that I sadly followed for more than a year, since Saturday Night Live had turned to garbage a few years earlier.  I would come home, grab some sort of snack from the fridge, and plop my ass in front of the TV and giggle like some sort of lobotomy patient.

Flash Forward a year or two.  Because this story gets worse.

Every year, our high school did a play, which is fairly standard stuff.  I was one of the few students who would regularly get involved in the play but wasn't involved in the drama program - I can't remember why.  I mostly got smaller roles, which I was happy with, because small roles are easier to mess with, add lines to, and generally make funny.  And I was all about getting the laughs - both then, and now. 

So, every year, it'd be the same kids in these plays.  And almost all of them were in the drama program - making poor Dave feel left out.  However, our school also got "Tutorial" times - an hour long slot every day where students could go to any class in the school and catch up on schoolwork.  And the drama class had these Improv days set up, similar to Whose Line.  So, every day, we'd all get together, and play our own version of Whose Line.

At the time, it was pretty fun.  But after watching this show on TV today, I started thinking back on that time.  And, my god.  Dear God in heaven. 

It couldn't have been pretty.

The show is a crock.  It is embarrassing to watch, boring, and about as funny as watching an appendectomy on the medical channel.  And these were people who were trained professionals.

My only real memory of being in Improv was during "Prop Comedy".  Where I took a phone, put the receiver on my head like Devil Horns, and kept saying "Call me Belial". 

Over and over again.

"Call me Belial".

"Uh...."

"Call me Belial".

"Um...."

"Hi.  Call me Belial".

"Uh.... Belial?"

"Call me..."

And so on.  And so forth.  It was a train wreck.

So, I'm watching Whose Line is it Anyway?, and shuddering as I walk down Memory Lane.  Eventually, I change the channel.  Baseball's on.   And the pitcher's not wearing a helmet.

...bingo.