...Finkelstein? Really?

Tomorrow, I head into Vancouver with the Shlesbian, Squee, and the Shlesbian's boyfriend to catch a hockey game - Canucks vs. Sharks.  Hopefully, someone will bring a camera, and I can post the photos of the Sharks' inevitable win, and the bruises I get on my body for laughing in the faces of all the Canucks fans around me.

That's all cool.  What bothers me, though, is the fact that I *still* don't have a name for The Shlesbian's boyfriend!  I mean, that's a very lame nickname - it kind of gives him no identity of his own.  Like Matt Damon. 

However, I have a few names kicking around... most of which were just taken from random things that popped in my head while walking (which is, also, where most of my blog nicknames come from).  So, here's my top three list of nicknames:

1. Finklestein (no idea where it came from)
2. Autograph (based on an autographed Cheechoo card he gave me)
3. Hot Wing (because he ate the Fuck Off Hot Wings and lived)

And I'm not really a fan of any of them.  Hopefully, something crazy happens in Vancouver that leads to an obvious nickname - I'm hoping for a hockey riot or for one of the more "colourful" residents of the streets to make a proposition.  I'll even settle for a fart joke, at this point.

Another Line from my Future Novel...

She stared across at me as I drooled over the pizza.  It was covered in pepperoni, italian sausage, and bacon.  Tomato sauce and grease sweated out of the cheese that blanketed the slice in a process not unlike osmosis. 

Summer just glared at me, her jaw slack, her brow furrowed.  I could see her vegetarian mind trying to process the degree of murder that went into the making of my lunch, and she was focusing on her ire. 

"Why can't you eat vegetarian?"  she said, hurt.

I, of course, had to speak.  "Well, technically, I am eating vegetarian."

"how can you say that!?  It's covered in pepperoni and sausage and-"

"Yeah.  The cow was a vegetarian.  The pig was a vegeterian.  And so on, and so forth."

I thought she was going to kill me.  Meat is murder, I guess.

Christmas Gift Ideas

I was hoping to avoid blogging about Christmas, just to be original.  Because everyone's doing it, doncha know.

You have the pro-Christmas people going on about the lights, the cookies, the presents, and the snow.  Or, if they live in the Pacific Northwest, the energy smart halogen lights, the fully organic cookies, the fair trade presents, and the rain. 

Then you have the anti-Christmas people going on about the waste of money, the rampant commercialism, and how much they secretly hate children.  I'm sure several anti-Christmas bloggers kick puppies whenever they get the chance.

You even get the non-Christians involved, people who either talk about how you can avoid Christmas altogether, or finding excuses for how you can celebrate Christmas and still be a devout Jew/Muslim/Buddhist/Trekkie/Level 29 Paladin. 

And then there's people like me, who write about Christmas because, well, they're suffering from intense writer's block and made the mad proclamation of "a post a day!". 

So, yeah.  Everyone's got some Christmas shopping to do.  And yeah, Christmas can be a little bit crazy in regards to commercialism.  So, I decided to do some net surfing to find a bunch of interesting gift ideas that are:

1. Non-Corporate:  None of the gifts here come from a major corporation.  They are all from either indy folk such as you and I, or are related to a non-profit of some sort.
2. Original:  no ties here.  I'm going for a wide range of "neat" stuff, as opposed to "gifts you can get any guy/girl/parent/etc". 
3. Cheap:  Or, relatively cheap.  I'm poor, and therefore, cheap is awesome.  Right?

All that being said, here's a nice list of Christmas present ideas, all taken from the interwebs.  Enjoy, and I really hope it gets everyone's creative juices going.

Scientifc Culture - Wristlet
Ideal For:   Indy girls, cool geekettes, and fashionistas

So, as many of you probably know, my friend Kittens runs an online Etsy shop, under the name of Scientific Culture.  The site has a bunch of neat stuff - buttons, magnets, stuffed chlamydia microbes, finger puppets, and more. Then there's this Wristlet, a sort of mini-purse that would fit a cell-phone, camera, iPod, stuff like that.  Good, unique, and you're supporting an indy craftsperson who also rocks.  'Nuff said.

Plan Canada - Classroom Essentials in Sierra Leone
Ideal For:  The socially aware, girls you're trying to impress, the impossible to shop for.

I posted this on the blog a little while ago, but it deserves repeating here.  The basic idea is - instead of buying a present that will be unwrapped, smiled upon, and promptly forgotten, you spend the money on something that will positively change someone's life.  For a little over twenty bucks, this gift will help a child get an education in a war-torn country.  Plus, you get a card, so when Christmas comes, you can say "hey, you helped do something good".  Seriously, check out the site. 

The Silk Road - Tea Gift Sets
Ideal For:  Distant relatives, tea-lovers, and secret santas.

The Silk Road is a nice little tea shop in Victoria (although they do mail orders, for those out-of-towners who read this blog).  I've had a few of their teas, and I have to say - they're original, interesting, and always very good.  Not to mention the fact that the customer service in the place is amazing.  Their tea gift sets are mostly pretty cheap, with many falling in the under twenty dollar mark.  Gift sets are usually a fairly generic gift, so giving someone something a bit "off the mark" - like Indy-produced Tea - is a good way to surprise them.  Because, let's admit it, "Ethereal Garden" black tea is a hell of a lot more interesting than, say, a Toblerone bar. 



Cheap Ass Games - Dead Money

Ideal For:  Stocking stuffers, the slightly-geeky, and zombie lovers

So, Dead Money is a game under twenty bucks with full colour artwork, easy rules, and fast gameplay.  And you have to love the design mantra of the company - they make fun games that are usually under twenty bucks.  In fact, if you check out their site, you'll find dozens (literally, dozens) of games under ten bucks.  Order a bunch at once, and save on shipping and handling.

Victoria Salmon Kings - Hockey Tickets
Ideal For:  Sports fans, the "guy's guy", your boss.

You can get an adult hockey ticket to a home ice Salmon Kings game for around twenty bucks.  If you buy two (and you'll have to buy two - no one likes going to a hockey game alone), you'll spend a little under fifty bucks.  And, guess what?  You're supporting a local hockey team, and probably exposing someone to a side of "Canada's Great Game" they may be unfamiliar with.  Of course, if you're not in Victoria, this might not be an option, but you could always buy tickets to a minor league sport of your choice - almost every city has a minor league team of one type or another.

Red Hot Swing - Drop-In Dance Lessons
Ideal For:  Those who love to dance, those who love to watch people dance, and those love to be watched while dancing.

Okay, so this is an indy company that involves a few friends of mine - I'm sure you recall the whole "Swing Dancing" fiasco I mentioned a while back.  My initial introduction to these classes more or less involved a "help!  I need some male volunteers!" but I have to admit, I'm enjoying the classes - the fact that it has a fair share of cute girls doesn't hurt.  Anyways, while a six week course can be a bit pricy as a "Cheap" gift (Still worth it, mind you), there are "Drop-in" courses that are under thirty bucks for two tickets. Your recipients will learn enough to get started, and they'll have a lot of fun dancing with each other, and others.  Contact the website for details. 

Hockey Canada - Cribbage Set
Ideal For:  Card sharks, hockey fans, grandparents

You know what?  I love cribbage.  I really do.  I don't care if people say it's an old person's game - it's fun, it's relatively quick to play, easy to learn, and just generally awesome.  I also love the variety of crib boards out there - there are some super expensive, hand-crafted ones, and then there are relatively cheap, personalized sets like this hockey canada set.  And, the money goes towards helping a very good cause (hockey!  Wooooo!).  The site has a bunch of other neat stuff - most under thirty bucks. 

Graham Roumieu: Bigfoot - I Not Dead book
Ideal For:  Those with a lighter side, readers, and kids in big boy bodies.

I found this in an indy gift shop (called Oscar and Libby's) in Market Square on an outting with Kittens a few months back.  As she mingled about the store, I leafed through this book, and laughed my ASS off.  Seriously, I've never laughed so hard in a public place in my life.  Basically, this is a diary by Bigfoot, as he muses on life in the woods, corporate sponsorship, and park wardens.  It really is one of the funniest books I've ever read, and when you give it as a gift, expect frequent laughter and quotings from one page or another.  And, odds are, you'll read it before you wrap it, and then realize you want a copy for yourself.

Hockey news that matters

A few weeks back, I was in my pub of choice, talking to my friend, the King of Swing.  We were watching a Canucks game, and the topic came up on Gay Hockey Players - and, by extension, gay athletes.  Neither of us knew of any, but knew they had to exist in secret.  After all, the law of averages says they have to be there.  Playing sports doesn't make you "less gay", or anything stupid like that.

Turns out, there hasn't really been any openly gay hockey players.  How odd is that?  Well, it's true.  Until, a few days ago, Brendan Burke (the son of Maple Leafs' GM Brian Burke) openly came out to the press.  There was an article published on ESPN about it yesterday.  And, of course, the sports world is reeling.

Will this open a floodgate?  How will players respond to openly gay teammates?  And, you know what?  Turns out, no one really cares.  Burke, a team manager for a college-level miami team, came out to his teammates last year.  And the response?  Business as usual.

I imagine some people are wondering why I think this is big news.  After all, I'm not one of the people you'd think would care so much about this.  I'm not gay.  I've never been to a gay bar with friends, or even witnessed a pride parade or anything like that.  My level of support has generally been "I'm okay with your lifestyle choice," and not much more than that. 

So, why is it big news?

I keep thinking of the first black major league baseball player, Jackie Robinson.  Because, really, this is a similar sort of thing - the modern civil rights movement took a step forward yesterday.  It's a small step - Brendan Burke is only a 20 year old kid who will probably never play in the NHL.  But it shows that, hey, it exists.  So, yeah, it's a small step, but at least it's a step.

Weekly Haiku #3- road raccoon

road raccoon rushes

past a changing night streetlight

it just ran a red

Brilliant!

Youtube eats up far too much of my time.  I spent a good ten minutes playing with this.  Funny, cheesy, and, um, really just cheesy.  But still pretty brilliant.

Pick-Up Lines

Yeah, I've failed at the pick-up line.  I suck at them, in fact.  So, I generally avoid them.  I've seen them work, from time to time... the King of Swing, for example, has used a few.  And my personal favourite was from the Faux Frenchman:

FAUX:  Hey, baby, wanna come home to my place?
GIRL:  Um.  I'm married.
FAUX:  ...is it a happy marriage?

Shockingly, it worked.  Word to the wise: don't hang out with the Faux Frenchman or the King of Swing for very long.  It will destroy your faith in humanity. 

I don't really have any pick-up lines.  The few I have used have been in ironic, joking situations ("excuse me, does this rag smell like ether to you?" or "you know, it only looks like I've been staring at you from across the room.  Actually, I just have a lazy eye.  Two of them, in fact."). 

And yeah, they don't work.  But they can be a lot of fun.