On the Perils of Anal Sex

I've never really understood Anal Sex.

Rather, let's rephrase that. I understand the mechanics of anal sex - how it's done, the general steps, and all that. I just don't understand the appeal, and why it seems to be this total desire of the average straight male. And that last bit is the important part - the average straight male. Butt sex for gay males makes perfect sense (and as the girlfriend - a lovely lady we'll call Kittens - pointed out last night, they are usually much better prepared for it than women - well groomed for anal sex, as it were).

See, in my mind, the average straight male is a little unnerved by gay sex, and will do many things in his power to proclaim his straightness - including using the word "gay" as a negative verb. Don't worry, I'm not gonna go into some long speech about why that's a bad thing, because I really don't care. I'm an asshole, remember?

No, what I don't understand is why a man that is a bit queasy about homosexuals would so willingly venture onto their turf, what with the buttsex and all.

If I were a woman, I'd totally say things to unnerve the guy during our anal sex sessions. I'd bend down, take it, and then start saying things like:

"You're doing it wrong. When I had a penis, I was much better at this, you know"

"Mind you don't squash my ballsack"

"You like my ass? I just had it waxed"

Or, my personal favourite, "Hey, did you watch Will and Grace last night?"

...Pretty much anything to fuck with the guy's confidence, really. And women of the world, next time your Mister decides he wants to stick it up your bum... have fun fucking with his head.