January 8th, 2001:

(while moving stuff, I found my old journal I kept through most of high school. I opened it to a random page, and this is what I found. Names have been deleted, but beyond that, this is a verbatim repeat of what I wrote. I was, for those who are curious, seventeen years old. And yes, I realize I'm kind of a dick here. I'm actually kind of embarrassed, but it's enlightening to look into the mind of a seventeen year old, eh? Also, I changed the names to protect the innocent, blah blah blah)

January 8th

It's been a long couple of days, but here I trying to keep you informed:

Saturday (today being monday), I was woken up by a Kathy at my door. Me, in only my boxers, sheepishly opened the door and let her in. "Sorry I'm early" she said "But the bitch was nagging at me, so I left as soon as possible"

Throwing on some pants and the gray sweater I got for Christmas, I told her that I was already up, and just lying in bed. And it was the truth. So the two of us talked, until Ryan showed up to lend me some money. All the while Kathy was on my lap, as we had a pseudo-relationship going on (or so I thought). Anyways, Ryan, with nothing better to do on his saturday, asks if he can tag along. Dwight eventually showed up, so we drove (in Kathy's death-trap truck) to Victoria, taking Kathy's "shortcut" that added 15 minutes to the trip (you don't need to go through Esquimalt to get to Victoria!) The four of us saw, much to my dismay, Dude Where's My Car? though it actually turned out to be kind of funny. When we got back to my place, we talked and talked, all the while me being attached to Kathy.

And then it happened.

I got up to to go to the bathroom, and when I got back, Kathy was with Ryan, doing all the things that she had been doing with me only a minute - A FUCKING MINUTE - ago! How dirty is that? And that went on for eight hours, I shit you not - until 2:30 am, and then only because Ryan's mom called in tears, because she didn't know where Ryan was. The dumbfuck hadn't called home.

What strikes me as strange is that this girl can be so dirty, and not even realize. Are all foreigners whores, or just the ones I seem to meet?

(note: yeah, I said that. I take it back now. In my defence, I was young and angry. But still. Harsh).

Anyways, on to other news...

I couldn't get any sleep last night, and was tossing and turning for hours (four or fice). At one point I tried sleeping on the floor - didn't work- and tried to put myself to sleep by reading The Prince, but damn, I found it interesting. And for once, the morals didn't bother me. I finally got to sleep around 3:45 or so, only to get up at 6:30. Surprisingly, I functioned 150% today, better than usual - maybe I'm a superhuman who only needs 2 hours sleep, eh?

Today being the first day back at school, I mistakenly thought it would be lax. No such luck. An English practice exam - oh joy. On the plus side, I understood my math, and was actually working faster than Carole - I think she has the hots for me, though how I am, I don't know.

(note: I have to cut this part out of the narrative, as it relates to someone in a way that I can't really protect their identity. It's nothing super secret, or anything, but it's just not my place to talk about it)

And, finally, I may be taking a course to become a guitar/studio tech, though I have very little info so far, and won't go into the details.

I feel like I've changed in the past three weeks, like I'm alive for the first time. Or is it just I feel as if I AM different, and now just couldn't care less? Whatever it is, I'm genuinely happy. I even started writing short stories again (as you can see by my intro today, everything is being told as a tale). I'm breaking musical barriers and I'm thinking in a way I've never thought. I'm actually decent at chess now, where before I was hopeless.

(note: I LOL'd reading this. It's kind of melodramatic, eh? But then... high school).

I have one goal right now. When we were driving home from Kathy's on New Year's Eve, I saw a shooting star and made a wish. My goal is to make my wish come true. While it's very self-centred, whatcha gonna do? My wish - to have a girlfriend that lasts more than a month.

Oh. Mom started doing all her work at home, so tomorrow, I have to walk to school. Crap.

Jeez, three and a half pages. An all time record so far, wouldn't you say? Of course, it's 1:00 now, so I really better be going to bed. After all, I only have 5 and a half hours before I have to get up again. So, g'night.

January 14th

Lately I've been an internet junky. >>old screen name<< has been posting messages on message boards (mostly Dungeons and Dragons sites) and bogging up chat.

However, I've really been big on this fantasy-art page that is just amazing. There are so many great artists in our world!

And now, I must sleep. (1:00 again. I'm slowly becoming nocturnal)

23rd

one week later...

I've been writing quite a bit, lately, from "Bridget and the Toad" - a happy romance story I dedicated to Lisa for her birthday, to "Hands", a Sixth Sense style ghost story.

A lot has been going on, lately, but I"m almost afraid to write in a journal. It's really too bad.

I've got a practice tomorrow, and a Fame rehearsal (rehearsals began last week) in a day or two. I don't have a whole lotta lines, but no one does - that's the beauaty (sic) of it.

Ugh. The radio's playing "Swallowed" by Bush. Yuk.

Hasta Lavista

(And it goes on, and on. It's kind of fun looking back on old stuff, and names and events I only half remember. I kind of want to post some other, older entries, now that I'm flipping through it. Because not all of them are as pathetic as this one, ha).