I don't really mind

I have a tendency to say awkward crap. Often, I mean to say one thing, and wind up saying something else entirely. This is stuff that most people do, but I have a knack for taking those moments and turning them into delightfully embarrassing social gaffes that inevitably become the stuff of legend.

So, true story.

Earlier this month, my french nextdoor neighbours got into a fight that may or may not have turned violent. I didn't call the police, because I didn't have any evidence, but I did write an email to my landlord the next morning asking him what I should do if this occurs again.

He wound up calling me, and told me to call the police if it happens again, et cetera et cetera. We then proceeded to kind of gossip about my french neighbours.

First, I said "look, I don't mind that they're loud, or that they fight. That's just natural stuff, and it's not a big deal. I can deal with the noise. But when it gets violent..."

and the landlord understood. But then he'd talk about the loud screaming in french, to which I'd once again pipe up "and I really don't mind that."

And then he'd mention her slamming her hands against the wall. Again, I said "it can be annoying, yeah, but it's okay, I don't mind that..."

And then he said "And they fuck really loud, too. I've walked by and heard them just going at it, and she'll be screaming out her lungs. I guess you know, because your bedroom is right next to theirs."

And I nodded, and (of course) repeated my mantra, "Well, I don't really mind that...."

Not. What. I. Meant.

But it was too late. I have never heard someone laugh so hard on the phone in my life. My face went so red you could see it from space.

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