Three Strikes

I'm on a dating site again, mostly just to kind of expand my options because I've kind of been a bit insular lately. The thing is, though, being on a dating site means that you get exposed to a lot of people who are nothing like you. But this is often coupled with the fact that you're on a dating site, and you sometimes just want responses - even if they're from people who are nothing at all like you.

Men are sharks on the hunt. We can't help it sometimes. But the "shotgun approach" is definitely popular on the sites, and it's something I try to avoid.

To keep that in mind, I have a simple rule - if a person gets three strikes against them from what they say in the profile, I don't talk to them. Not talking to them because of one or two things in their profile (unless they're really big moodkillers, like she's in prison or is a fan of Carrot Top) is a bit silly. But three is a good indicator that I won't get along with this person. Even if their profile picture is incredibly hot. It's served me well.

Here's just a sample of some of the things that I count as strikes, and a bit of the reasoning why. And, like spinal tap, this list goes to eleven:

1. No Photo: No photo makes the guy in me a little nervous. It also shows that she's not really committed to it to actually upload something. I'm not looking for or expecting bombshells, but having no photo makes me assume the absolute worst. And that's no fun.


2. Sex as an Interest: Guys are going to hit me for this, but girls that list "sex" as an interest get a strike against. Why? Because, while I love sex, I find that people that list it as an interest treat it as a be-all and end-all, and that's really not fun. Either that, or they're saying they love sex to attract guys (like the girls who say they're bisexual but aren't) - and girls that say they love something to attract others are not my idea of fun.


3. Kids: Kids are a strike against, unfortunately. I mean, I love kids, and I'd date someone who had kids. But when someone has kids, I have to be a bit more considerate when entering into a dating situation with them - I have to have more in common. I don't want to enter into situation where I have to be responsible if it's just for someone I probably won't really connect with.


4. Many Spelling Errors/Syntax Errors: One or two is fine. But if you have a lot, it's a strike against. This may sound stupid, but it's just like a resume - you're making a profile to reflect who you are, and if you're the type of person who doesn't really go over what you produce because you don't want to look bad in front of other people, you get a strike against.


5. "I Love to Travel": I'm not talking about the people who say they enjoy travelling - who doesn't? I'm talking about the people who are 23 and have been to Australia, Thailand, South America, all over Europe, and that Denny's in Arizona that has the really good curly fries. It's a strike because, well, I'm not much of a traveller. And I'd hate to be an anchor.


6. 420 Friendly: I don't do drugs. I have no problem if other people do, but someone who actively smokes pot enough to put it on a dating profile automatically earns a strike. Anyone who lists harder drugs are automatically deleted.


7. Smoker: I dated a smoker once. She was very gross to kiss. I'd only ever date another smoker if she was awesome in every other way. So, smokers earn one strike. Maybe two.


8. Bad Music: Yeah. Someone who has terrible taste in music earns a strike. But it has to be terrible. We're talking gangster rap, nickleback, emo punk, slipknot, stuff like that. Also in this category is the person who "loves all music". Because, when you love all music, you're actually saying you don't like music.


9. Physical Issues: This is my catch all term for people who have a body that isn't really compatible with mine. ie, someone who is more than an inch or two taller than me, weighs a bit more than me, has some physical characteristic I find off-putting, etc. It's only one strike, because I'd date someone who was otherwise awesome even if she was an amazon. But anyone who says that physical appearance doesn't matter is a fucking liar.


10. Short replies: What I mean here is, if I write a reply to her, and it's two or three paragraphs, I expect a paragraph back, at least. Not a text message. You can usually tell these people from their profiles, when they are unbelievably terse. It's a strike.


11. Apologies: People that begin their profile with "I'm just checking out this site, don't really think it'll be useful" or something like that annoy me. People who apologize for some sort of character flaw they think they have annoy me (why apologize for your kids to people you've never met? I don't get it). So, yeah, strike.