In fact, Eric was so buoyed by his successes that he was finally able to get a job - working for an auto company, no less! I was talking to Eric in the hallway last night, and he asked if he could speak to you, my loyal fans, for another 'guest post'. So, without further ado, may I present.... Eric Munchausen.
***
Thanks, Dave. It feels good to be back on the blogosphere - that is the word, right? After one of the roughest years of my life, all due to my whore of an ex-wife, I've finally landed quite a prestigious new job. You are looking at, dear Blog readers, the head PR man for Volkwagen British Columbia.
That's right. It's my job now to represent the image of Volkswagen automobiles in this little corner of the world. As you can imagine, this is quite an honour. Volkswagen cars are, after all, some of the best vehicles in the world. Hey, Sheila - who has a dead-end job now, huh? Is "Fred", your new man, working for a worldwide car company? What? He's a mailman? Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that, Sheila.
Bitch.
So, where was I? Right. Volkswagen Automobiles. Yessirreebob, I am the new face of Volkswagen. And what a great company to represent. We have all the qualities of a great company - loyalty, integrity, adaptability, dedication, and reliability. I have the best job in the world. Because I get to tell you all about our great qualities.
Loyalty: Volkswagen is a loyal company, and we take our loyalty to our customers very seriously. Why, back when we were making cars for the Nazis, our CEOs didn't just produce vehicles - no, we supported the movement. We were loyal to those beautiful men in red - wherever Jackboots goose-stepped, Volkswagen was there. Even when our supporters came across hard times, they knew they could depend upon the Volkswagen brand.
Integrity: Volkswagen has something those other car companies lack. We have integrity. Why, just ask all those Nazis we helped hide during some pesky trials in the late 40s... oh, wait, you can't, because Volkswagen never revealed where those nazis were hidden. See what I mean? Buy yourself a Volkswagen, and you're buying our silence. We won't let the long arm of Justice snare you, nosirreebob.
Adaptability: After most of our factories were firebombed to the ground from pesky Allied bombing raids, we found ourselves with warehouses of extra stock and little factory space. What did we do? Why, we took all those parts and slapped together a little car called the VW Beetle. Maybe you've heard of it. Using west German ingenuity and cheap communist immigrant labour, we put together the most popular car in the world.
Dedication: Volkswagen is a dedicated company. We are dedicated to our products. In fact, you can see our dedication every day simply by looking at our products. We are committed to our designs to the point that the Beetle has changed very little over fifty years of production. Even in this time of economic hardship, you can see our unchanging, dedicated stance to doing things the good ol' fashioned way (well, except for the slave labour... thanks a lot, Nuremberg trials).
Reliability: Our cars are reliable. You know exactly what you'll get with a VW Bug. They are so reliable, that when one of our cars break down (and they will), you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll be able to find replacement parts in no time. And cheaply, too - there are just so many of our cars in the scrapyards that you'll have to do a minimum of searching to find just the part you need!
...and with that, Dave, I need to get to work. It's going to be a good day - we're sending a bunch of free cars to Argentinia today, for some reason. But before I go, you were asking me about the origins of the VW Bug, how such a well known vehicle came to be. Determined to find the answer out, I searched through our archives, and found a lovely little photo of some old military guys who helped in the design of our car. Hope it answers your question:
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