Goodbye, 2009...

End of the year, end of a decade.  As I'm sure you're probably aware of.  And if not, well, um, you're an idiot.

So, when 2000 rolled around, I was still in high school, and most of my predictions about the next decade were not nearly as prophetic as I'd hoped.  For starters, I'm not the guitarist in the world's number one metal band.  Secondly, Jessica Alba is not nearly as prominent as I thought she'd be.  Also, it turns out that this blogging thing is a bit more than a "fad". 

My bad.

But, I'm older and wiser now, so I think I'll dispense some of my predictions for the next ten years:
  • Paris Hilton will attempt a comeback of some sort, and will show a brief resurgence in popularity before getting by a huge public backlash.  This will inevitably end in a high profile showdown in which Paris winds up holding a loaded pistol to Lindsay Lohan's head.  And yet, the world will move on.
  • Flying cars will finally hit the market, only to be pulled a few weeks later when little old ladies the world over discover that flying at 15 km an hour is not enough to maintain lift - after headlines scream "octogenarian crashes into strip mall; explosion kills 32" a few times, people unanimously decide that maybe traffic isn't that bad, after all. 
  • Reality TV takes things "to the edge", with shows focusing around semi-famous "celebrities" 24/7.  There will be a web-based program that follows some woman or another every minute of every day for the next year.  When her ratings begin to drop, she'll kill someone.  The judge will let things slide because "hey, I'm on TV".
  • Coca-Cola will release a new flavour, called "Diet Coke Edge" that is one part diet cola, one part energy drink, and one part engine oil. 
  • It will be discovered that some household vegetable (such as, say, celery) is a leading cause of cancer.  Then it will be discovered that the same househould vegetable actually cures cancer.  No real progress towards the cure for cancer will actually be made.
  • As for next decade's fashion... two words:  Flannel's Back. 
And that's that.  Hopefully, ten years from now, you'll all realize that I'm, like, the new Nostradamus.  Of course, good luck contacting me... I plan on being the number one guitarist in the world.  Who just happens to be married to Rachel McAdams.  Or something.

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