Sadly, this is a true story.

I have this weird habit - I'm always worried I smell.  If I'm in a room of twenty people, and someone smells like bad B.O., I'm convinced it's me.  Even though I know I've showered, have deoderant on, and have done very little in the way of exercise.

Sometimes, even when I know the smell isn't originating from me, I'm concerned that other people will think I was the culprit.  You know the situation - you're in an elevator, and someone lets out some gas.  I become super uncomfortable, and try to subtly suggest that I wasn't the one that farted.  Which, of course, is exactly what the farter would do.  As such, I'm not a fan of elevators... I mostly take the stairs. 

Enter today.  I'm in the backseat of the bus, coming home from a visit to the new special lady (we watched Have You Heard About the Morgans? or whatever the hell it's called... it would have been better if Ms. Parker was played by, well, about anybody else) .  Anyways, I'm sitting there in the bus, when I notice the strong smell of marijuana.

I don't smoke pot.  In fact, I've never smoked pot.  And yet, I found myself becoming more and more convinced that the smell was coming from me... and not the man in the tie-dyed shirt giggling at the pack of skittles he was holding.  I kid you not, here. 

So I'm getting anxious, looking around nervously, hoping to god the smell doesn't come from me.  It starts to burn my nostrils, and I become even more uncomfortable.  Did I smell like this at the new lady's house?  She must think I'm a total stoner!  Oh my god, I'm such a loser!  Why the hell do I smell like pot!?

Meanwhile, the aged hippy was staring at me, crushing a yellow and orange skittle together, in some sort of bizarre skittle courtship ceremony. 

Eventually, I couldn't take the agony of being in a room of people that obviously knew that pot smell was coming from me, and got off the bus a few stops early.  As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I smelled my pits. 

Nope... minty fresh.  I jumped in jubilation.  And shivered on the walk home.  When I got to the front door of my building, two men were on the front step, smoking.  As I approached, they opened the door for me.  One of them smelled like pot.

...damn it.