Death and Taxes... and... love?

I've been working in a tax centre for the last couple of weeks, and yes, it's about as boring as it sounds.  It mostly involves processing the taxes of welfare bums and 18 years olds who are eager to process their 1,200 dollar T4 so they can get a hundred dollars (or so) back from the gaddang gubmint.

However, occasionally there are little... shall we say... gems?

During the day, I had the pleasure of coming across people with some truly awful e-mail addresses.  We're not talking "Sunshinefan89" or "Iliekmittens" or anything.  Nope.  These are grown men and women with the most depressing and "gothic" of addresses.  I wish I could post the real addresses, but be rest assured that the substitutions I am giving you are pretty much of the exact same calibre.  We're looking at names like "Suicidefan666" and "blackenedhart", if you catch my drift.  And there were more.  Oh, god, were there more. 

I had "Dreaming in Darkness" at, a thirty year old man from Toronto that apparently still lives at home and works part time at a fast food vendor.  I'd like to imagine Mr. Dreaming paints his fingernails black, and thinks Marilyn Manson and the Nine Inch Nails are the BEST BANDS EVAR.  Personally, the only NIN song I like is "hurt" - you know, the one Johnny Cash fixed

Then there was "PerpetuallyAlone" at hotmail.  Now, I don't know about you, but should one's e-mail address (especially an address that one gives to random strangers like Moneymart in a semi-formal situation) really be an address that shouts out "hey, I'm a loser"?  This stunning lass was born in 1985 and lives in Niagara Falls - where she works two mall jobs.  Something about her address (and her scrawled writing) suggest that Alone might not be the greatest catch. 

Of course, I had a great idea here.  Darkness and Alone are both single, and they're only a short ride away.  I'm pretty sure, with only a little bit of work, I could introduce the King and Queen goth to each other, and they could go on to rule Gothtopia together.  Exactly what Gothtopia is, I'm not sure, but I imagine it doesn't have much in the way of sunlight, and Trent Reznor is deified in some way. 

This flash of brilliance bloomed - as insights are wont to do - into the best idea I've ever had.  Think about it - an instant tax processing centre that also doubles as a dating clinic.  That lonely potato farmer in Saskatoon who pulls in 40K a year could be hooked up with that strict vegan chick from Regina who "lives naturally off the land" (read as: homeless).  Single welfare bums from all over the country could be matched up with other single welfare bums - and then proceed to save some money by filing as common law. 

Because, hey... whatever keeps them off the streets, right?


  1. So what pathetic blogger are you gonna hook yourself up with? I hear Trinity is available!

  2. Wow! I love Anonymous people who throw snarky comments but don't have the balls to put a name to their comments. That is the coolest.

    Also, I just want to say that if you "accidentally" sent the wrong email addresses to those two people and love blossomed, I would be happy for them. They might not be because I don't know they can experience happiness but I think it is nice that you might try.