Not Addictive, MY ASS

Sunday night, I finished the last of a 2L bottle of diet coke.  It was around ten pm or so, and I threw on some shoes to head down to the corner store to pick up a new bottle.  I stopped at the door, looked at myself in the mirror that I hang my keys on, and said, "Why the hell am I doing this?"

I decided, then and there, to cut out the diet coke in my life.  Kind of a late new year's resolution.  In hindsight, though, it was kind of a weak resolution - sort of like a heroin addict saying "you know what?  I'm never gonna do smack again!" when the the needle is still sticking out of his arm. 

Yes.  I just compared diet coke to heroin.  I'm not sure why.

My abstinence from diet coke lasted all of twelve hours, when, on monday afternoon, I had the worst withdrawal headache of all time.  My brain was pounding to a beat only it could hear, saying to me "you're an asshole, I'm niccing out, gimme some diet coke!"

My brain was a junkie needing its fix. 

I caved, consciously bought a can (not a bottle, and how sad is it that this reduction seemed like a triumph to me?), and smiled contentedly as I drank.  The headache disappeared.  As I finished it, I looked at it and said "you're the last can I'll ever drink."

Ha, right.

Tuesday rolls around, and I'm doing pretty well on my vow - almost twenty four hours since I've touched the stuff.  And then, somehow, I wind up in a corner store, handing over money to the cashier for a can.  And I have no idea how I wound up here, and I don't even realize I'm trying to quit until I'm already halfway through the can.  Yes - buying diet coke has become such a common part of my life that my brain often doesn't process doing it anymore. 

This is common to chain smokers.  Guess you didn't know it's also common to diet coke addicts, eh?  Which leads me to a conclusion of sorts, a sure-fire way to finally quit.

I'm thinking of taking up smoking.... at least until I'm weaned off the diet coke.