Commission Tricks

I had this little trick when I was selling crap at Future Shop.  It was a spiel I would use when trying to convince a customer into buying the service plan for an ipod or something.  Because, while it's generally a good deal, a lot of customers don't like the idea of putting down extra money for an extended warranty.

But the salesmen like pushing for it, because it's where the bulk of their commission profit comes from.  And so, they push.  Everyone pushes for it differently.  I did it with humour. 

I'm pretty sure I stole my joke from somewhere, but I can't remember where.  Oh well.

It'd go like this:

You know, these ipods are great.  About the only complaint I'd have is the batteries.  You can go with our service plan, or trust in the ipod warranty.  Ours will cover the battery, no questions asked.  Theirs, you have to pay shipping and handling, but they give you a little ipod stamp and a card.  When you get eight little ipod stamps, apple will generously give you... a free subway sub.

It'd get a laugh, usually.  And about half the time, I'd sell the warranty, which is kind of the point.  While Future Shop kind of sucks, they do have a good ipod warranty, and I really do recommend it. 

But at least a few times, I'd get a customer who'd hear that spiel and say something like, "A free subway sub?  Can they even do that?  Aren't they owned by seperate companies?" 

And then I'd have to say "Um, it was a joke" and they'd scratch their heads in complete confusion. 

Another guy in my department had a much better - if totally unethical - way of getting these idiots people to buy the warranty. 

You have to buy the warranty.  Otherwise, the battery won't work.

And they'd unquestioningly put down the ninety bucks for the warranty.  Personally, I say he's selling his soul for a couple of bucks, but whatever.  He's still working there. 

I'm not.