One of the things about being an insomniac is that, when you do get uninterrupted sleep for a couple of hours, you tend to have some strange dreams.  It's almost as if your mind is making up for the lack of dreams over the last few days by giving you one doozy of a dream at once. 

I've had dreams where I was attacked by giant robots, where I've stared up at the sky screaming "mendoza!", and where I've had conversations with my dog.  But last night's dream has to be a record.

See, I dreamed I was playing a drinking game.

My brain had invented all the rules for this drinking game, such that when I woke up, I remembered all of them - and then, after thinking about them for a few minutes, realized that they worked.  Not only that, but it was a drinking game that involved gambling - my other favourite vice!

I'm a giver.  And so, in the interests of sharing (and in doing my part in killing livers everywhere), allow me to present to you the official rules of "Calvinball", the world's first gambling drinking game. 
  1. Play proceeds in rounds, with the "dealer" changing each round in a clockwise fashion. 
  2. At the start of a round, the player to the left of the dealer must put a quarter into the "pot" ("little blind").  The player to the left of the little blind player must put two quarters into the "pot".
  3. The dealer then announces the basic rule of the round:  either a "rule", a "challenge", or a "shot". 
  4. Every player that wants to stay in the round puts two quarters into the pot.  Players can fold if they wish.
  5. The dealer announces the specific game:
    1. If the round was a "rule", the dealer announces a new rule for the game, such as "when I touch my nose, everyone that must touch their nose, and the last person to touch his nose has to put a dollar into the pot" or "the dealer must always speak in rhyme or pay a penalty".  Those players still in play can each either fold, put one quarter in the pot and "check", or "Challenge" the Dealer by giving the dealer two quarters and challenging him in some ridiculous challenge (see below) or by forcing him to have a shot.  If the dealer refuses this challenge/shot, the round ends and all players still in play (excluding the dealer, who is considered to have folded) split the pot. 
    2. If the dealer announces a challenge, he suggests a one-time dare of sorts - a yodelling contest, a rap battle, or anything else that springs to the imagination - and puts an amount at least one quarter and no more than one dollar into the pot.  The remaining players can either fold or match the dealer's stake.  After the bets have been matched, the challenge commences - until only one player remains.  That player takes the pot.  
    3. If the dealer announces the shot, he now names the shot.  He can name only one shot (no multiple shots at once, although drop shots and jagerbombs are allowed), and then puts a stake of no less than a quarter and no more than a dollar into the pot.  Players can (in clockwise order) fold out of play, match the dealer's stake, or "raise" him by doubling the amount (and adding a shot of their choice).  Each player has a chance to take place in this, which can lead to many shots being consumed at once (enjoy your alcohol poisoning!) 
  6. Play proceeds until the paramedics arrive.
And yeah, I'm strangely proud of this game.

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