So, part two of my story. And this one is a bit shorter. To quote Kittens here, "Shorter is Better".
In writing, at least.
I make my way down to the mall (a different mall than the one I live by, that actually has my credit union). I get in the line up, fill out my paperwork, and fret about money. No EI money coming in, and what am I going to do if it's delayed even longer? I have to make my bill payments... how much money from this cheque am I going to have left? And so on, and so forth.
I get to the teller, she asks me about my weekend, and I tell her how it was mostly really good, except for the whole EI fiasco, and we start swapping stories about how the government sucks. I mention how it looks like I'm going to be broke for at least another day... one more day of Kraft Dinner! I joke.
She looks at me.
"Um. Why don't you use your savings account?"
Blank eyes from me. "I have a savings account."
"Yeah. You've got a good fifty bucks in there."
Looks like I opened the account a few years ago, put some money in, and promptly forgot all about it.
Yeah, I'm a genius.
A rant
So, I was supposed to get my EI money on friday. Of course, it hasn't come in through direct deposit. I checked friday night at midnight, and nothing. Ditto a few times on saturday. Zilch. I even checked monday night at around 3 am, because I happened to still be awake, and the offices in Ottawa would just be opening around then, after the long weekend. Bleary-eyed, I fumbled with the ATM. Still no cash.
A homeless guy walked by me, and casually asked for some change. I shook my head, thinking to myself I was gonna ask you the same thing.
It was the first thing I did this morning, too. Got up, got dressed, and made my way down to the mall to check my money situation. I'm beginning to have fears that mall security are going to start thinking I either have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or I'm a bank ATM enthusiast. Still no cash.
I checked online, to make sure I had filed the report. Yyup. In polite government speak, it told me that I had just filed a report, and that my next was due for almost two weeks from now. I could read between the lines. It said "Nice try, Dave. You're not getting any more money from us. Piss off."
So, I call their number. Get a message. First thing the message says "If you are calling about late EI Payments, they have been delayed due to the long weekend, and will arrive a day later than usual".
A vein starts to throb in my head. My newt looks up at me, mounting the plastic turtle. I begin to wonder if newts are really as poisonous as everyone says, because I'm running out of cash... and food... I'll have to eat my fish first.
Brilliant work on the government's part. Schedule a payment for the day before thanksgiving... and then don't pay them out because of the long weekend (and because of how FLEX days work, their office was probably half-staffed on friday). I wonder how many people out there, out of work parents, who couldn't afford thanksgiving because some people in Ottawa decided to leave early before mailing out the cheques?
"I'm sorry, Timmy. Mummy couldn't afford a turkey this year. Eat your SPAM."
I worked in government. We're not the most dedicated of people, true, but at least in my branch, we made sure the people got their money (or, in our case, licences so they could earn money). Didn't matter if it was Christmas tomorrow... if a guy was missing a licence because of our own failure, you fixed it. If a LOT of people were going to be screwed over by something, you paid the office workers their overtime and got it fixed.
Silly gits.
A homeless guy walked by me, and casually asked for some change. I shook my head, thinking to myself I was gonna ask you the same thing.
It was the first thing I did this morning, too. Got up, got dressed, and made my way down to the mall to check my money situation. I'm beginning to have fears that mall security are going to start thinking I either have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or I'm a bank ATM enthusiast. Still no cash.
I checked online, to make sure I had filed the report. Yyup. In polite government speak, it told me that I had just filed a report, and that my next was due for almost two weeks from now. I could read between the lines. It said "Nice try, Dave. You're not getting any more money from us. Piss off."
So, I call their number. Get a message. First thing the message says "If you are calling about late EI Payments, they have been delayed due to the long weekend, and will arrive a day later than usual".
A vein starts to throb in my head. My newt looks up at me, mounting the plastic turtle. I begin to wonder if newts are really as poisonous as everyone says, because I'm running out of cash... and food... I'll have to eat my fish first.
Brilliant work on the government's part. Schedule a payment for the day before thanksgiving... and then don't pay them out because of the long weekend (and because of how FLEX days work, their office was probably half-staffed on friday). I wonder how many people out there, out of work parents, who couldn't afford thanksgiving because some people in Ottawa decided to leave early before mailing out the cheques?
"I'm sorry, Timmy. Mummy couldn't afford a turkey this year. Eat your SPAM."
I worked in government. We're not the most dedicated of people, true, but at least in my branch, we made sure the people got their money (or, in our case, licences so they could earn money). Didn't matter if it was Christmas tomorrow... if a guy was missing a licence because of our own failure, you fixed it. If a LOT of people were going to be screwed over by something, you paid the office workers their overtime and got it fixed.
Silly gits.
Free Money...
There's a certain beauty when you get what looks like a bill in the mail, and when you open it up, it's a cheque instead.
That happened today, with my government environment tax credit. A hundred bucks. I'm rich! The greedy little boy in me wants to spend it all on video games and chinese food (ODST, Here I come!) but the grown up is beating the little boy with a shoe, and saying I should spend it on either environmentally-friendly stuff, or on, you know, food.
I wonder how many people actually use the credit for its stated purpose?
That happened today, with my government environment tax credit. A hundred bucks. I'm rich! The greedy little boy in me wants to spend it all on video games and chinese food (ODST, Here I come!) but the grown up is beating the little boy with a shoe, and saying I should spend it on either environmentally-friendly stuff, or on, you know, food.
I wonder how many people actually use the credit for its stated purpose?
A New Law...
So, I'm watching TV. And there's yet another crappy commercial on - some woman is shopping at a mall, and she sees her car get towed away. Whatever will she do!?
Oh, wait, no. There it is. Whoopsy daisy!
Flash the logo for State Farm Auto Insurance. Because, you know, in situations where nothing has actually happened, State Farm Is There.
Seriously. It's time for a new law.
Whenever a crappy commercial is aired that is mind-bogglingly stupid or pointless, the commercial should be put on trial. If the commercial gets enough votes, the makers should lose their film-making rights. Preferably, they should also serve some sort of prison sentence. And not one of those nice prisons, either. I want to see the commercial guys leaving prison with all sorts of gang "tats", cornrow haircuts, and a perpetual scowl.
Actually, let's extend the law. Anyone that produces agreed-upon crap and garbage should suffer the consequences.
I'm looking at you, Uwe Boll.
Oh, wait, no. There it is. Whoopsy daisy!
Flash the logo for State Farm Auto Insurance. Because, you know, in situations where nothing has actually happened, State Farm Is There.
Seriously. It's time for a new law.
Whenever a crappy commercial is aired that is mind-bogglingly stupid or pointless, the commercial should be put on trial. If the commercial gets enough votes, the makers should lose their film-making rights. Preferably, they should also serve some sort of prison sentence. And not one of those nice prisons, either. I want to see the commercial guys leaving prison with all sorts of gang "tats", cornrow haircuts, and a perpetual scowl.
Actually, let's extend the law. Anyone that produces agreed-upon crap and garbage should suffer the consequences.
I'm looking at you, Uwe Boll.
A completely pointless "Dream" post
The other night, I was tossing and turning in my bed, having a very strange dream. I dreamt that my Dad and I were trying to catch a Superbowl game - which is odd, since I'm not really a football person. But I know enough about the sport to realize that it would be highly unlikely for Vancouver to play Detroit in the Superbowl. In fact, I'd put the odds at about 0% at this point. And while I'm sure I'll get flayed alive for saying it, I'd say those are also about the odds of seeing that happen in the conference finals for the NHL Playoffs, too.
Go ahead and hate me. It's the sharks' year, baby!
Anyways, we catch the first half of the game, and we're in some weird "traditionalist" state like Conneticutt. Of course I had to dream of a state with an impossible to spell name. During the half time show, my dad and I head to a liquor store to pick up something to drink - it looked like the set of "Cheers", only without the happy drunks. The vendor asks my dad (A sailor) how the game is going, and my dad says something like "it's fucking close".
Turns out the city has a no-swearing law, and we wind up getting frowned at by everyone, and kicked out of the liquor store. And we miss the last half of the game (it's okay, though... Vancouver won).
So, I wake up, the dream still playing in my head, and the first thing I do is turn on my TV to find out if Vancouver actually did win the superbowl. It took me a little longer than I'd care to admit to realize that, well, it was all a dream.
Go ahead and hate me. It's the sharks' year, baby!
Anyways, we catch the first half of the game, and we're in some weird "traditionalist" state like Conneticutt. Of course I had to dream of a state with an impossible to spell name. During the half time show, my dad and I head to a liquor store to pick up something to drink - it looked like the set of "Cheers", only without the happy drunks. The vendor asks my dad (A sailor) how the game is going, and my dad says something like "it's fucking close".
Turns out the city has a no-swearing law, and we wind up getting frowned at by everyone, and kicked out of the liquor store. And we miss the last half of the game (it's okay, though... Vancouver won).
So, I wake up, the dream still playing in my head, and the first thing I do is turn on my TV to find out if Vancouver actually did win the superbowl. It took me a little longer than I'd care to admit to realize that, well, it was all a dream.
Holy Crap
So, I read a lot of paramedic blogs. You could say that, right now, I'm something of a paramedic fanboi. When I see an ambulance, I slow down and watch, and try to pick up techniques through osmosis. I don't really know the details of being a paramedic, mind you, but I think I know the basics of the paramedic's life.
So, when I heard a bunch of Paramedics badmouthing the new TV show Trauma, I realized I had to see it. And today is my chance. I found it on my channel listings, and clicked to it.
Holy. Crap.
It's really no different than any other show that seeks to emulate a profession. ER is an over-the-top "medical" soap opera. Any show about cops is the same. So, really, I shouldn't be surprised about a paramedic story. Every case, of course, is over the top and melodramatic . The characters are all super heroic, twenty-something actor types. And I just watched a car crash into a streetside market, obviously hitting about three dozen people.
It's just so... funny? I mean... a guy has a bleeding leg artery... let's apply a tourniquette! Without, you know, applying a pressure point first. Whoopsy doodle. Just a lot of little things like that... .and if an OFA like me is picking up those, I can't imagine the bigger errors that go on.
So, when I heard a bunch of Paramedics badmouthing the new TV show Trauma, I realized I had to see it. And today is my chance. I found it on my channel listings, and clicked to it.
Holy. Crap.
It's really no different than any other show that seeks to emulate a profession. ER is an over-the-top "medical" soap opera. Any show about cops is the same. So, really, I shouldn't be surprised about a paramedic story. Every case, of course, is over the top and melodramatic . The characters are all super heroic, twenty-something actor types. And I just watched a car crash into a streetside market, obviously hitting about three dozen people.
It's just so... funny? I mean... a guy has a bleeding leg artery... let's apply a tourniquette! Without, you know, applying a pressure point first. Whoopsy doodle. Just a lot of little things like that... .and if an OFA like me is picking up those, I can't imagine the bigger errors that go on.
The Newt Speaks...
What's the deal with Hockey? I don't get it at all. Some men chase around a little black piece of rubber, and then they fight. When the piece of rubber gets pushed past a guy wearing a mask, Dave will either stand up and cheer, or he'll start swearing like a sailor with Tourette's.
Dave has these new "hockey channels" - he can watch any game he wants, whenever he wants. So, he's always watching the stupid thing. The only good part is when that girl Cassie Campbell comes on, and talks. She's pretty. If I'm a boy, I think I have a crush on her. If I'm a girl, well, my great aunt newtina was a lesbian. So it's all good.
And now I have to go. The Fish are telling knock knock jokes again. Stupid gits.
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