I was at work the other day, with a co-worker I genuinely enjoy working with. He's from the Phillipines, and rather devoutly religious. At one point, he turned and asked me, point blank, my religion.
He meant nothing rude about it, so I answered him directly. Though it was rather difficult explaining to him exactly what an "atheist" was. When he finally did get what I was saying, he seemed almost a bit shocked, as if I had confessed to him that I was some sort of demon, intent on destroying his children and doing all of those other things that demons, atheists, abortionists, and telecommunicators are apt to do.
We worked in silence, each more mindful than ever of the gap between us. I am firm believer that religion's primary function is to further subdivide the collective "us" into divided "thems". But I digress.
The stereo played in that sweltering kitchen, until it came time for the Beatles to start singing. "All You Need is Love", John Lennon sang, and I looked over at my co-worker, who was singing along. So was I. We caught each others' eyes, and smiled.
Completely seriously, I l pointed at the stereo.
"You know what? That's my religion. And it's a damned fine one, if you ask me."
He smiled, nodded in agreement, and got back to work. The kitchen was peaceful once more as John Lennon preached.
7. Said The Whale, "Islands Disappear" (2009)
Hometown: Vancouver, British ColumbiaNotable Tracks: 'Goodnight Moon', 'Camilo (The Magician)', 'Black Day in December'
Fun fact: I have a playlist on my ipod called "Cheer Up Music". It's basically exactly what it sounds like - a list of tunes that I can put on that guarantee a good mood.
Almost half of the songs are by Said The Whale, a group from Vancouver that seem to specialize in making poppy songs that, to me, are a much better-crafted and lesser-known version of The New Pornographers. Songs often have a perfect combo of acoustic and electric guitars, coupled with perfect keys and drumbeats.
Islands Disappear, the group's second full length album, consists of more than a few laid-back songs that pick up in pace, until by the end you're smiling and tapping your feet along. I dare anyone to listen to 'Gentleman' and not be carried away by the happy chords. And 'Goodnight Moon', played on a ukulele that progresses into what can only be described as a "musical dance number", is the spiritual successor to everyone's favourite StW song, 'The Light is You".
Another fun fact: I have sung 'Goodnight Moon' unknowingly while in a grocery store. And people have looked at me and laughed. And I did not care.
Because I was happy.
6. Hollerado, "Record in a Bag" (2010)
Hometown: Manotick, OntarioNotable Songs: 'Americanarama', 'Juliette', 'What's Everybody Running For (part II)'
I'm not going to talk about how this album comes in a ziplock bag. And I'm not going to talk about how that ziplock bag is filled with stickers, guitar picks, confetti, instant tattoos, and download codes for additional songs. I won't even mention the chinese fortune included.
Because I really should just talk about the music. That's kind of what music reviews should be about, right? Right?
Clever marketing aside, Record in a Bag is rather brilliantly put together. It's upbeat rock and roll, plain and simple. Bluesy rock guitar lines, pounding bass lines that really form the skeleton of every song, and infectious radio-friendly lyrics. This is a feel good rock album, without any of the layers of pretension that we so often find in the indie scene. These are just simple, honest songs that don't pretend to be anything else.
Also, just as a heads up - if you get a chance to see these guys live, do it. Drop everything and do it. Even if you don't like rock music. Even if you don't like electric guitars and shaggy drummers. Why? Because these guys have so much energy and joy in them, it is impossible to walk away feeling anything but musical bliss.
Another dating story:
Yesterday, I mentioned the crazy horse lady. This reminded me of another story that happened at the same museum, a few years earlier.
It was another first date, with a different girl. The exhibit was about ancient Egypt, and this girl and I were really hitting it off, looking over various artefacts and attentively absorbing every minute detail.
Seriously, at one point, I was decoding hieroglyphics. Which was a skill I had at one point. People nearby were asking me questions about them. And I knew the answers. And the girl I was with? She thought this was cool.
I know, right?
It was a very good date. One of the best dates I have ever been on, before or since.
The crowning moment, though, was near the end of the exhibit. There was this giant stone block with drilled holes running through the bottom half. These tubes were for wooden staves, so that people (slaves) could carry the stone block. I knew this, but maybe the average person, seeing the block without those wooden poles, might understandably not realize this.
An old woman, who had seen me speak about the hieroglyphics and must have assumed I worked for the museum, asked me what these holes were for. And I told her.
"Those? Oh. They're actually ancient Glory Holes."
"What?"
"Yeah. In fact, I think they're the first known appearance of a glory hole. You can see how primitive they were, originally."
My date laughed. Which was pretty awesome. The old woman, however, had no idea what the hell a 'glory hole' was, and there was no way in hell I was telling her. I have this private fantasy, though, that she got home and either googled it, or (better yet, in my cruel imagination) asked her grandson.
Good times.
It was another first date, with a different girl. The exhibit was about ancient Egypt, and this girl and I were really hitting it off, looking over various artefacts and attentively absorbing every minute detail.
Seriously, at one point, I was decoding hieroglyphics. Which was a skill I had at one point. People nearby were asking me questions about them. And I knew the answers. And the girl I was with? She thought this was cool.
I know, right?
It was a very good date. One of the best dates I have ever been on, before or since.
The crowning moment, though, was near the end of the exhibit. There was this giant stone block with drilled holes running through the bottom half. These tubes were for wooden staves, so that people (slaves) could carry the stone block. I knew this, but maybe the average person, seeing the block without those wooden poles, might understandably not realize this.
An old woman, who had seen me speak about the hieroglyphics and must have assumed I worked for the museum, asked me what these holes were for. And I told her.
"Those? Oh. They're actually ancient Glory Holes."
"What?"
"Yeah. In fact, I think they're the first known appearance of a glory hole. You can see how primitive they were, originally."
My date laughed. Which was pretty awesome. The old woman, however, had no idea what the hell a 'glory hole' was, and there was no way in hell I was telling her. I have this private fantasy, though, that she got home and either googled it, or (better yet, in my cruel imagination) asked her grandson.
Good times.
5. Dan Mangan, "Nice, Nice, Very Nice" (2009)
Hometown: Vancouver, British ColumbiaNotable Tracks: 'Road Regrets', 'Robots', 'Basket'
When I first heard Dan Mangan, I didn't think much of him. But for the better part of a year and a half since then, I've found myself continuously coming back to this album. Again and again. And then, just when I thought I was sick of it, I'd find myself listening to it once more.
Dan Mangan's sophomore album has poignant, soulful, and beautiful lyrics that are always introspective and insightful; occasionally humorous and occasionally cynical; and never settling for cliched observations or rhyming schemes.
This whole work is an original, through and through. Nothing is ever done in a typical fashion, putting new spins on old themes. For example, the drums in 'Road Regrets' begin complex and steadily decrease in complexity until the outro, which is a simple beat reminiscent of Queen or AC/DC. Or listen to the hand claps on 'Sold', or the style of the call-and-answering lyrics in 'The Indie Queens are Waiting'. Or the complete lack of a chorus or steady rhyming scheme in 'Robots'. Or...
And that's the whole album. Nothing is easily labelled. Acoustic guitar stylings in the folk vein, with ramblings into rock and roll, country, bluegrass, and that catch-all commonly known as "indie" - there is no one genre that this album can be shoehorned into. This is one of a kind, and I fully understand what my friend Kate means when she says she's afraid of Mangan's next release - it's hard to imagine anyone being able to top this album. But after at least forty complete listenings, I have faith in Mr. Mangan.
This is, plainly, a "must have" album. Anyone who hasn't sat through beautiful pieces like the layered 'Fair Verona' or the cleverly self-deprecating 'Et Les Mots Croises' is missing out on something beautiful.
'Nuff said.
"Kind of a Dealbreaker"
Every time I mention dating, my blog gets a bunch of "ugly" hits. It would seem, in fact, that most of my readers don't much like me talking about dating, or women, or anything of that sort. But I like to tell funny stories, and I've found many of my funniest involve the fairer sex.
But until today, I hadn't shared one of the funniest.
It happened a little over a year ago. I had been talking to a girl online, and she seemed rather interesting and intelligent through our chats. She did work in a university lab, looking after and raising the test animals. She was, and is, the only girl I have ever gone on a date with who worked with monkeys as part of her day job, and for this reason alone, there will always be a special place in my heart for her.
We along well online, joking and trading stories. She seemed interested in the fact that I had a history degree, and assured me that she "loved" history. She even suggested we go to the new exhibit at the museum, which I thought was awesome. This was a mistake, however, because around three miliseconds after my money left my pocket and the tickets were in hand, I realized she had lied about loving museums as a way to impress me.
The girl could not locate egypt on a map, had no idea where mesopotamia was, and "knew" that Rome "went extinct, like, a couple of centuries ago." I nearly had an aneurysm on the spot. And it didn't get much better. You know a date is going bad when the highlight is talking to a sixty year old woman about Nordic chess pieces while your date plays with the makeup in the "kiddy korner".
Anyways, the date and I eventually found ourselves in the natural history wing of the museum, and things were looking much better. She mostly just looked at the stuffed moose and woolly mammoths. We were chatting pleasantly, and I had begun to put the awfulness of the main exhibit out of my mind, when we walked by a large stuffed horse. She began to go on, at length, about how much she loved horses.
And I mean at length. Did you know that people apparently think horse shoes are interesting? Or how to feed horses? Or cleaning up after them? I get that these are important things... but they are not interesting in any way. Let this be a rule: you should never discuss the bowel movement of horses on a first date.
Save it for the second date, ladies!
Anyways, I listened, made comments to show I was interested, and did all the usual polite first date stuff. When she asked me how I felt about horses, though, I started making jokes. Because this is what I do.
"Horses? I'm pretty sure horses eat people."
"Horses do not eat people, Dave."
"Really? Ever see a homeless person on a farm?"
This conversation was my crowning achievement. I could live another sixty years, and nothing will ever beat that conversation I had with a girl whose name I have since forgotten. I want my tombstone to mention it.
She didn't laugh. In fact, she looked like she was offended, which perplexed me. Were she, you know, normal, she'd be on the floor laughing her ass off. Because, in case you don't know, I'm hilarious. Despite this, I kept on talking. Because, hey, I was on a roll!
"Think about it. I'm sure horses are carnivorous. I mean, you've been on a farm, right?"
"Yeah..."
"You ever notice how, sometimes, chickens just.... disappear?"
"Yeah...."
"Horse got 'em."
I looked at her, and she began to clue in that I was joking. But still, she did not laugh. At all. Instead, we walked in silence for about a minute, before she asked:
"Dave? Do you really dislike horses?"
I decided to be honest. "No. I'm just nervous around them."
"Well. A guy not liking horses is kind of a dealbreaker for me."
Long pause.
"Fair enough."
And that was that.
But until today, I hadn't shared one of the funniest.
It happened a little over a year ago. I had been talking to a girl online, and she seemed rather interesting and intelligent through our chats. She did work in a university lab, looking after and raising the test animals. She was, and is, the only girl I have ever gone on a date with who worked with monkeys as part of her day job, and for this reason alone, there will always be a special place in my heart for her.
We along well online, joking and trading stories. She seemed interested in the fact that I had a history degree, and assured me that she "loved" history. She even suggested we go to the new exhibit at the museum, which I thought was awesome. This was a mistake, however, because around three miliseconds after my money left my pocket and the tickets were in hand, I realized she had lied about loving museums as a way to impress me.
The girl could not locate egypt on a map, had no idea where mesopotamia was, and "knew" that Rome "went extinct, like, a couple of centuries ago." I nearly had an aneurysm on the spot. And it didn't get much better. You know a date is going bad when the highlight is talking to a sixty year old woman about Nordic chess pieces while your date plays with the makeup in the "kiddy korner".
Anyways, the date and I eventually found ourselves in the natural history wing of the museum, and things were looking much better. She mostly just looked at the stuffed moose and woolly mammoths. We were chatting pleasantly, and I had begun to put the awfulness of the main exhibit out of my mind, when we walked by a large stuffed horse. She began to go on, at length, about how much she loved horses.
And I mean at length. Did you know that people apparently think horse shoes are interesting? Or how to feed horses? Or cleaning up after them? I get that these are important things... but they are not interesting in any way. Let this be a rule: you should never discuss the bowel movement of horses on a first date.
Save it for the second date, ladies!
Anyways, I listened, made comments to show I was interested, and did all the usual polite first date stuff. When she asked me how I felt about horses, though, I started making jokes. Because this is what I do.
"Horses? I'm pretty sure horses eat people."
"Horses do not eat people, Dave."
"Really? Ever see a homeless person on a farm?"
This conversation was my crowning achievement. I could live another sixty years, and nothing will ever beat that conversation I had with a girl whose name I have since forgotten. I want my tombstone to mention it.
She didn't laugh. In fact, she looked like she was offended, which perplexed me. Were she, you know, normal, she'd be on the floor laughing her ass off. Because, in case you don't know, I'm hilarious. Despite this, I kept on talking. Because, hey, I was on a roll!
"Think about it. I'm sure horses are carnivorous. I mean, you've been on a farm, right?"
"Yeah..."
"You ever notice how, sometimes, chickens just.... disappear?"
"Yeah...."
"Horse got 'em."
I looked at her, and she began to clue in that I was joking. But still, she did not laugh. At all. Instead, we walked in silence for about a minute, before she asked:
"Dave? Do you really dislike horses?"
I decided to be honest. "No. I'm just nervous around them."
"Well. A guy not liking horses is kind of a dealbreaker for me."
Long pause.
"Fair enough."
And that was that.
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