Eviscerations...

So I'm at work, rushing around the deli issuing orders like some little sergeant trying to hold off wave after wave of zombie nazis until reinforcements come. In such situations, I revert to a little trick I call "leadership through douchebaggery". It basically consists of playfully insulting my co-workers to keep morale up.

Mainly, it keeps my morale up. I'm not sure about everyone else.

Steff, a co-worker with a toucher of "hipster music nerd" in her, who is therefore my kind of people, is busily trying to help the masses of nazi zombies, er, hungry customers. The two of us are sharing a scale, doing that age old deli trick of "you asked for one hundred grams. Is one hundred and ten grams alright? No? Okay, let me take off a little bit. How's ninety eight grams? No? Okay, let me add this sliver of meat... one hundred two? No? You asked for one hundred? Would you like me to show you how a meat hook works?"

Steff is busily playing this game, and I can see the fantasy in her eyes - in it, she is happily eviscerating her customer set to the music of... some band you've probably never heard of. Knowing that I can't have unscheduled eviscerations on my watch (they're bad for business, see), I decide she needs cheering up. So I start heckling her.

"Steff, you're taking too long at the scale! Oh my god, you're embarrassing yourself! Look! All the customers are staring at you! You must feel so awkward right now." I am saying this in a playful voice while she tries to weigh just the right amount of deli meat, and I can see that she's trying not to laugh. Most of the customers nearby are entertained, and are chuckling quietly to theirselves - it's nice to see people playing with each other while at work, after all.

One customer, however, doesn't realize I'm joking around. With her hands on her hips, she glares at me. "They're not staring at her! They're staring at you! You should be embarrassed."

This causes a few more customers to laugh, and puts me firmly in my place. Steff looks over, and she can see that I'm in the fantasy land of eviscerating this customer, to the music of Pink Mountaintops (you've heard of them, right?).

And that was my last week. You can see why I don't blog much these days, eh?