- The Religious Orgasm: Oh God! Oh God! Ohhhhh Gooooooood!
- The Positive Orgasm: Oh Yes! Oh Yes! Ohhhhhhh Yesss!
- The Negative Orgasm: Oh No! Oh No! Ohhhhhh Nooo!
- The Fake Orgasm: Oh Dave! Oh Dave! Ohhhhhh Daaaaave!
a joke:
Ladies and gents, there are four kinds of female orgasms:
decisions, decisions...
A very simple question for the ladies and gentlemen out there:
Which band would you rather see live? Hey Rosetta! or Born Ruffians?
They're both playing in Victoria next month, on the same night, and I wanna catch a show cuz the tickets are cheap. I've seen Hey Rosetta! before, and they're a great band, but I really like what I've heard of Born Ruffians, too. So, I'm on the fence.
What can I say? I'm an indecisive person sometimes.
Which band would you rather see live? Hey Rosetta! or Born Ruffians?
They're both playing in Victoria next month, on the same night, and I wanna catch a show cuz the tickets are cheap. I've seen Hey Rosetta! before, and they're a great band, but I really like what I've heard of Born Ruffians, too. So, I'm on the fence.
What can I say? I'm an indecisive person sometimes.
A history lesson:
So, waaaaay back in the 1960s, some people got together and wrote a book. It was a pretty groovy book, filled with all sorts of crazy and wild things: magic, wizards, plagues, murders, crazy incestual love schemes, haircuts, and more baby murder than you could shake a stick at! The whole thing centred around this bearded hippy who spoke about free love and shit, before he got killed and turned into a zombie. It was a pretty trippy read - they called it "The Bible", although I have no idea where they got the name from.
It was turned into a movie in the 1980s, called Total Recall.
I loved this part where this guy named "God", who was like the king of the wizards or some shit, created the earth. And he did it in only seven days. I don't remember all the details, but in the first day he made the earth or something. The second day he made the oceans, fish and stuff were day three, day four was animals, day five was more animals, day six was the human race, and day seven he cleverly buried dinosaur skeletons so that people would deduce that he didn't exist.
Because he was a very tricky wizard, you see, and wanted to cover his tracks.
Anyways, it's a little-known fact that on day eight, he completed his best creation:
Tasty, crunchy, and spicy like the pits of hell!
...Which is probably where I'm going after making this post.
It was turned into a movie in the 1980s, called Total Recall.
I loved this part where this guy named "God", who was like the king of the wizards or some shit, created the earth. And he did it in only seven days. I don't remember all the details, but in the first day he made the earth or something. The second day he made the oceans, fish and stuff were day three, day four was animals, day five was more animals, day six was the human race, and day seven he cleverly buried dinosaur skeletons so that people would deduce that he didn't exist.
Because he was a very tricky wizard, you see, and wanted to cover his tracks.
Anyways, it's a little-known fact that on day eight, he completed his best creation:
Jalapeno Pringles.
Tasty, crunchy, and spicy like the pits of hell!
...Which is probably where I'm going after making this post.
Laugh, but I'm only half joking here
About a month ago, I was really digging the song "The Light Is You" by Said The Whale, or as my friend Manga T.C. likes to call it, "the Happy Apple Song". I think she came up with the name because she really likes apples... or because she was suffering from a head injury of some sort.
I was looking for upbeat acoustic songs, and so I turned to another good friend of mine for music recommendations: The good ol' itunes genius fairy.
Now, for those that don't know, the itunes genius fairy uses a very powerful tool I like to call "magic" to find songs similar to songs you like. For example, if you really like the White Stripes' song "Seven Nation Army", the genius fairy will recommend you listen to The Libertines. Amazing! And if you like Jon Bon Jovi, the itunes genius fairy will teleport through the internet and kick you in the reproductive organs!
I am a huge fan of the itunes genius fairy. He needs to, like, rule the united states of america... but apparently they have a rule against fairies running for president. (Yes, unintentional joke intended).
Anyways, after I asked what I should be listening to, the genius fairy recommended an incredibly lovely band by the name of Apollo Sunshine. The song suggested was "Singing to the earth (to thank her for you)" and within a few days, the song (and the associated album) were on near constant repeat on my ipod.
As a music snob, I needed to know more, so I utlized some super-secret research techniques on the band, and learned they were an up and coming group of musicians who had developed quite a cult following.
As I already said, I am a music snob. You may not know this, but when music snobs hear about a band having a "cult following", they get this tingly feeling inside, sort of like how your sister feels when she sits on the washing machine during the spin cycle.
Everything just felt.... right. Until yesterday.
You see, Wal-mart fucked it all up.
I had dropped by on a walk home from TC's house to pick up some sugar-free ice cream. While dodging arguing drunkards and avoiding eye contact with young moms upset that a pair of childrens' sneakers cost "a whole three dollars!", I found myself in my usual state of jungle-like readiness I reserve for box stores and buffet lines. But then, in the frozen foods aisle, I let my guard down and soon found myself humming for some reason. And that was when I realized - my song was playing over the intercom. Wal-Mart, the intergalactic empire of evil, was playing my new music crush over their canned music intercom.
I know it shouldn't matter. But it does.
I know my anxiety over this is due entirely to my own music snobbery - I shouldn't care what music Wal-Mart plays! Isn't a good thing that Wal-Mart is playing music I like? But this is how my mind works:
May God have mercy on my soul.
(PS, Yes, I realize the irony in being fine with using a mass-marketed music-finder app, but not being okay with hearing that music played in a mass-market setting... but I am a strange person. Roll with me, here).
I was looking for upbeat acoustic songs, and so I turned to another good friend of mine for music recommendations: The good ol' itunes genius fairy.
Now, for those that don't know, the itunes genius fairy uses a very powerful tool I like to call "magic" to find songs similar to songs you like. For example, if you really like the White Stripes' song "Seven Nation Army", the genius fairy will recommend you listen to The Libertines. Amazing! And if you like Jon Bon Jovi, the itunes genius fairy will teleport through the internet and kick you in the reproductive organs!
I am a huge fan of the itunes genius fairy. He needs to, like, rule the united states of america... but apparently they have a rule against fairies running for president. (Yes, unintentional joke intended).
Anyways, after I asked what I should be listening to, the genius fairy recommended an incredibly lovely band by the name of Apollo Sunshine. The song suggested was "Singing to the earth (to thank her for you)" and within a few days, the song (and the associated album) were on near constant repeat on my ipod.
As a music snob, I needed to know more, so I utlized some super-secret research techniques on the band, and learned they were an up and coming group of musicians who had developed quite a cult following.
As I already said, I am a music snob. You may not know this, but when music snobs hear about a band having a "cult following", they get this tingly feeling inside, sort of like how your sister feels when she sits on the washing machine during the spin cycle.
Everything just felt.... right. Until yesterday.
You see, Wal-mart fucked it all up.
I had dropped by on a walk home from TC's house to pick up some sugar-free ice cream. While dodging arguing drunkards and avoiding eye contact with young moms upset that a pair of childrens' sneakers cost "a whole three dollars!", I found myself in my usual state of jungle-like readiness I reserve for box stores and buffet lines. But then, in the frozen foods aisle, I let my guard down and soon found myself humming for some reason. And that was when I realized - my song was playing over the intercom. Wal-Mart, the intergalactic empire of evil, was playing my new music crush over their canned music intercom.
I know it shouldn't matter. But it does.
I know my anxiety over this is due entirely to my own music snobbery - I shouldn't care what music Wal-Mart plays! Isn't a good thing that Wal-Mart is playing music I like? But this is how my mind works:
- Wal-mart makes money through mass-marketing items to its customer base.
- Wal-mart's customer base can be summarized as "the lowest common denominator"
- Wal-mart playing such a band indicates that the band is one that can easily be absorbed by said "lowest common denominator"
- Therefore, as a person who likes said band, I am part of the lowest common denominator.
May God have mercy on my soul.
(PS, Yes, I realize the irony in being fine with using a mass-marketed music-finder app, but not being okay with hearing that music played in a mass-market setting... but I am a strange person. Roll with me, here).
Weekly Haiku #42: weird haiku that just came to me....
coyote duster
summer storms and shattered dreams
dead synapse highway
Sick:
Guh. So sick lately. I've had the flu pretty heavily since Saturday - coughing, sneezing, headaches, and all that fun stuff. And it's not just Man Flu, either!
I have to say, the best part about being sick is that you are allowed to eat nothing but graham crackers, soup, and ice cream... and no one gets angry at you. How awesome is that!?
On the downside, I'm pretty much immobile, meaning I can't engage in my favourite activity - listening to music. I know what you're thinking - why do you need to be mobile to listen to music? The thing is, for me to enjoy music, I have to be able to move - pace around the house with my headphones on, and all that jazz. So I've been music-less for the last few days. Which is kind of annoying.
That is all.
I have to say, the best part about being sick is that you are allowed to eat nothing but graham crackers, soup, and ice cream... and no one gets angry at you. How awesome is that!?
On the downside, I'm pretty much immobile, meaning I can't engage in my favourite activity - listening to music. I know what you're thinking - why do you need to be mobile to listen to music? The thing is, for me to enjoy music, I have to be able to move - pace around the house with my headphones on, and all that jazz. So I've been music-less for the last few days. Which is kind of annoying.
That is all.
Albums to Look Forward To:
There are a few albums coming out in the next few months that I'm pretty excited for. These are albums that I just can't wait to hear, because these bands have yet to disappoint me.
The Dodos, No Color: The fourth studio album by the Dodos releases on March 15th. The album supposedly will feature a return to the heavier drum sound that was prevalent on Visiter, and roughly half the songs will feature the amazingly talented lady (and honourary Canadian), Neko Case. The band has released their first single, "Black Night", and it's classic Dodos fare. Life is good, my friends. Life is good.
Fleet Foxes, Helplessness Blues: The fleet foxes, a Seattle based band I'd tag as "diverse new-age folk hippy music", releases their new album on May 3rd. I've heard the title track, and it's thie great acoustic bit that definitely is low-key and just a little sad.
Hey Rosetta!, Seeds: Canadian Maritime band Hey Rosetta! releases their new album on February 15th. I've seen these guys live a few times, and I've never been disappointed - they are a large band, with a wide range of available sounds. They can do introspective blues, angry rock, and cheerful pop... sometimes all at once. I don't really know anything about this upcoming album, but that's not stopping me from being excited about it!
Mother Mother, Eureka: I love Mother Mother. I love them so very much. They've released their first single for this album, called "The Stand", and it's bizarre in that lovingly original Mother Mother fashion. I have to admit, I'm a bit grumpy that I have to wait until March 15th before I can listen to the rest of the album.
We Are The City, High School: a Kelowna-based band, We Are The City consists of a guitarist, a pianist/vocalist, and a drummer. While they have a threadbare lineup, their sound is surprisingly layered and complex. While I'm not a huge fan of the lead vocalist, I do find myself in love with the furious piano lines and frenetic guitar. The album releases on March 22nd.
Other Releases of Note: While it's unconfirmed, there are talks that we'll see 2011 releases from Queens of the Stone Age, Tool (!), and Radiohead (though it'll probably be an EP).
The Dodos, No Color: The fourth studio album by the Dodos releases on March 15th. The album supposedly will feature a return to the heavier drum sound that was prevalent on Visiter, and roughly half the songs will feature the amazingly talented lady (and honourary Canadian), Neko Case. The band has released their first single, "Black Night", and it's classic Dodos fare. Life is good, my friends. Life is good.
Fleet Foxes, Helplessness Blues: The fleet foxes, a Seattle based band I'd tag as "diverse new-age folk hippy music", releases their new album on May 3rd. I've heard the title track, and it's thie great acoustic bit that definitely is low-key and just a little sad.
Hey Rosetta!, Seeds: Canadian Maritime band Hey Rosetta! releases their new album on February 15th. I've seen these guys live a few times, and I've never been disappointed - they are a large band, with a wide range of available sounds. They can do introspective blues, angry rock, and cheerful pop... sometimes all at once. I don't really know anything about this upcoming album, but that's not stopping me from being excited about it!
Mother Mother, Eureka: I love Mother Mother. I love them so very much. They've released their first single for this album, called "The Stand", and it's bizarre in that lovingly original Mother Mother fashion. I have to admit, I'm a bit grumpy that I have to wait until March 15th before I can listen to the rest of the album.
We Are The City, High School: a Kelowna-based band, We Are The City consists of a guitarist, a pianist/vocalist, and a drummer. While they have a threadbare lineup, their sound is surprisingly layered and complex. While I'm not a huge fan of the lead vocalist, I do find myself in love with the furious piano lines and frenetic guitar. The album releases on March 22nd.
Other Releases of Note: While it's unconfirmed, there are talks that we'll see 2011 releases from Queens of the Stone Age, Tool (!), and Radiohead (though it'll probably be an EP).
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